i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
