So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
