You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
