Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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