watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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