well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
it hurts more in the daytime
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
