it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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