My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
