Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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