OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
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Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
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Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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