I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
