My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
