i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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