I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
