when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
