you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
