Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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