just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I can't put those talents on a resume
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
