They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
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