ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
