nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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