I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
