Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
