but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
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im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
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The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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