Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
