I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
