Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
