How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
