Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
