i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
