you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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