"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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