You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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