Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
