I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
