Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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