i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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