We're like a lot better than the average bears
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
