So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
