i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
