also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
