her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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