look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm both gender and math confused
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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