That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
