apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
