shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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