covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
