3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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