u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize