I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
