that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
