Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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