Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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