How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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