How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize
