so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
