Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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