dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
