I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
