I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
