i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
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We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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