i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
