Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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