If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
