I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
