if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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