I could have mohawked her pubes.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
